


nothing's impossible, child

by aphwhales



Series: hate for the island [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eating Disorders, Humanstuck, Jewish Characters, Judaism, Yom Kippur | Atonement Day, mentions of inpatient treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 11:25:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12231867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphwhales/pseuds/aphwhales
Summary: October 2016:Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you are having a better new year than you were last year. You suppose.





	nothing's impossible, child

**Author's Note:**

> note, i am jewish, i have no experiences with eating disorders. i couldn't find any resources as to whether or not a cantor and a rabbi from the same synagogue could get married, but they're reform if anyone knows anything that depends on denomination.  
> title is from "A Soft Place to Land" from Waitress.   
> chag sameach!

**October 11 2016**

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and God is going to be fucking _pissed_ at you this Yom Kippur.

“Stop fidgeting,” hisses Sollux next to you. “You’re distracting me.” 

“From what?” You hiss back, but you stop arguing when your father glares at you. You still don’t know why he insists on sitting in the same pew as the Captors every holiday, but you also don’t really care. Gives you someone to talk to besides Karkat, you guess, and once the services start he usually hangs out near the bimah to help his dad. 

Right now the cantor is singing the Kol Nidre song that’s far too high pitched, and the rabbi is looking on adoringly. Rabbi Vantas-Leijon has been a sap for-fucking-ever, according to Karkat. 

You do have to admit, though, that Cantor Leijon-Vantas has a lovely voice, even when singing such high notes. 

You wonder if she’d be any help with your predicament. You were planning on asking the rabbi about what to do about your fast, but you feel like the cantor would be more understanding. 

The service drags by slowly. Cronus sings his heart out with choir and you and Sollux snipe at each other while making faces at Nepeta and Karkat.

After the service, you approach Meulin and Nepeta. They’re talking to Cronus in the lobby. 

“Hi, Eridan!” Nepeta chirps. “You managed to get here this year, I see.” 

You tense up a little and Cronus frowns. “Do you, uh, know where your mom is by any chance, Nep?” Apparently, she doesn’t care about the subject change, because she just smiles. 

“She went into her office, I think. Second door on the right.”

“Thanks, Nep.” You have to wade through a crowd of people before you get to the door labeled “ _Cantor - Catherine Leijon-Vantas_ ”. There are too many elderly people trying to put away their prayer books and you feel a little sick with the enormity of what you’re about to talk about.   
Okay, it’s not _that_ big of a deal, but it is to you. You don’t like talking about why you couldn’t come to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur last year and where you were instead of school until November. 

You knock and wince at the dustiness of the door. A cheerful voice calls for you to come in. 

Cantor Leijon-Vantas’s office is full of papers and pens and books. She’s a small woman - shorter than you - and today she’s wearing an olive green dress with a black cardigan. Her white robes have been discarded onto the desk. 

“What can I do for you, Eridan? Is my Nepeta giving you trouble again?” She smiles mischievously as she unclips her yarmulke from her unruly mass of hair. 

“I, uh -” _\- am still recovering from my eating disorder and I’m not allowed to fast, what should I do?_ At this rate though, you won’t be able to fast for the rest of your life. Recovery just isn’t a straight road like you and your dad wish it was. It’s more like the spider webs that your half sister loves to draw everywhere. Goes every which way and fucks you up completely. 

“I don’t think I can fast this year,” You say instead. “What should I do?”

“Well, you can always make it up next year. God knows you’re trying your best.” 

You shake your head and hold onto your earlobes like you do when you’re frustrated and stressed. There are bees in your belly. 

“No, I mean - I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to fast is, I -” _might relapse if I ever fast for the holiday and I’m terrified._

“Eridan,” She’s looking up at you, because you’ve unconsciously tucked your head into you chest. “Without more information, I can’t really give a suggestion, besides just making sure you come to a service. God will be alright with you having to take medication or something and breaking your fast to have water with it.”

“I -” You whisper so quietly, “I’m afraid I might relapse if I fast.”

The cantor frowns. “This has to do with why you missed services last year, doesn’t it?” She’s so perceptive, even if she doesn’t seem like it. Probably where Nepeta gets it from. 

You can only nod. “I w-was in inpatient treatment for an eating disorder,” You whisper again, “I’m afraid I might relapse.” 

She opens her arms, and you lean in quietly. The Leijon-Vantases are a bit touchy-feely, and you don’t mind, not really.   
“God wants you to be healthy, Eridan.” She murmurs as she holds you tight. “Fasting is the most important part of Yom Kippur, but - I’m assuming you have an eating schedule? Work out whether or not you can skip one snack, maybe? Don’t worry too much, sweetheart.” 

“My psychiatrist says I can’t miss any meals or snacks.” You mumble and wipe your face with your sleeve. 

“Hm,” She’s thoughtful. “Brush up on your Torah blessings, then. You can have an aliyah tomorrow morning in place of fasting.” She holds you by the shoulders, and grins. “I think, one day you might be able to try again without fear of relapsing. I had a friend with the same issue when we were in high school. And now he’s fine with fasting, but it took him a bit. About a decade, I think.”

She hands you a tissue from her desk. “Get some sleep and eat something, because tomorrow you get the first aliyah during our torah service, Eridan.” She grins at you, and you really can’t help but grin back.


End file.
